2016: Death and Soup

I know, I know, “where have you been?!?” all four of you ask. Well, I’ll tell you!

I’ve been secretly working on a government project to enable squirrels to run completely across the road instead of stalling halfway then pretty much actively seeking death. So far it’s been a rip-roaring failure.

Squirrels just don’t get it, man…

 

Ok, even though there’s truth to squirrelicide, there is no government project to help end it (or you don’t have the clearance to know about it). I’ve actually been on a sabbatical, AKA the word that sounds more acceptable than “unemployment.” I wasn’t fired or anything, FYI–my contract just ran out and I had no desire to re-up it.

Working 6 days a week for a year straight somehow lost its appeal (imagine that!). I was burnt out, ragged, and unable to address the depression that I’d been ignoring like the bump under your skin that you keep telling yourself is just an ingrown hair.  Like Peter Steele once sang, Life is Killing Me”.

Anxiety and depression had me by the short hairs (Still does from time-to-time, as was displayed just yesterday. I rocked in place, trying to chant some made up mantra to chase the hornets from my brainmeats. I haven’t had a bad day like that in a while–what the late, great Wesley Willis would call a “Hell Ride”. Never fun.

All hilarity aside, I just didn’t think anything was worth posting about. Everyone has had their own batch of junk-kicking nonsense to deal with this year.

2016, am I right?

Folks have been corpsifying left and right, and you know if Death figured out how to kill Lemmy, then all bets are off. Mercury is in retrograde, Uranus is in The House of Pancakes, and that’s not even a jab at our current state of politics. I don’t do politics. They do me. *Rimshot*  Continue reading

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A Few Reviews 

Here’s what a few brave souls have said about their visit to Gravenfrost! 

Now that Autumn is near, it’s time to break out the jackets and hoodies. Time to start thinking about Halloween (as IF you ever stopped), and all the spooky goodness that comes with it. 

Bump up the creep factor this year with Gravenfrost

Talking about Ghost Boobs with family…

I’ve never been a boaster. I feel like a b-hole talking about my work, generally, which causes the voices to scream “WAY TO SELF-PROMOTE, YA DIPASS!” in my head on a regular basis, or “on the regular,” as I’m pretty sure no one says…

So, with my gonzo horror/creatively vulgar novella Gravenfrost out in the wild, the family reunion I attended earlier in the month filled me with that warm, fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach that Western Doctors identify as anxiety.

“I heard to have another book out,” Aunt [name withheld in case of assassins] said as I popped a cap (gangsta!) off a beer (not as gangsta!).

“Eh, yeah…but…” I took a swig.

“That’s great! I want a copy!”

“Thanks, but…I’m not sure you’ll dig it.

“Please, I read 50 Shades 15 times…”

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Drawing a Blank Or…

…The Eternal Struggle between Creative Aspirations and the Real World.

Each day I get up, and instead of greeting the dust motes on the brackish light beams that trudge through my “black-out” curtains, I curse. I then try to not look at my ever-expanding yuck-body in the mirror as I put on the clothes laid out the night before (time saver). Bathroom shenanigans ensue, and then it’s off to the kitchen, where the lackluster breakfast I prepared the night before (another time saver) sits in the fridge.

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Gravenfrost: Ready to please you!

It’s been a long time coming, but my gonzo, horror yarn Gravenfrost  is finally live and ready to make you laugh, cringe, and think terrible thoughts when the lights go out.

The Devil’s Domicile. The notoriously infamous house is just one of the hot spots that cultists, freaks, and other assorted malcontents visit in Gravenfrost, Maine.
Founded on ground so tainted it was said to be vomited up from the sea itself, Gravenfrost isn’t your average sleepy New England town.

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Women, Whiskey, and Werewolves…

When I mentioned to Detroit Graphic Designer and Grindhouse Horror Guru, Nix that I thought of writing a short teaser chapter for my upcoming book “Gravenfrost,” he said “let’s turn it into a zine.”

The thought of teaming up with such an amazing artist (he’s the mastermind behind the “Antillia” cover) was enough to get my ass in gear and crank out Chapter Zero. Nix spurred me on with designs he made for a few of our in-story products: Graves End Whiskey, and Mal Burro cigarettes. These images, I tell you, are some of the best out there. I could sing his praises all day (and often do), but head to his website and see for yourself!

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Gravenfrost 

The Devil’s Domicile. The notoriously infamous house is just one of the hot spots that cultists, freaks, and other assorted malcontents visit in Gravenfrost, Maine.

Founded on ground so tainted it was said to be vomited up from the sea itself, Gravenfrost isn’t your average sleepy New England town.

When the host of a popular ghost-hunting TV show brutally murders his crew and co-hosts during an overnight filming, the FBI sends their agent most accustomed to “strange crap”: Special Agent Bobby Doyle. Doyle likes his cases like his whiskey: neat and smooth.

This one, however, is anything but.

Was it simply foul play…or something far more sinister?

That’s the synopsis of my upcoming horror yarn, “Gravenfrost.” A noir-esque narrative that has been called “hilarious,” “scary,” and “gonzo.”

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One thing I also suck at doing…

…is promoting myself.

If I like a product someone else is making, you’ll never hear the end of it. But my own stuff? I might mention it in passing while feeling like a selfish prick.

I don’t know why.

I know there’s a distinct line between reclusive curmudgeon and a pleasepleasepleasebuymyproduct muppet, but I don’t always see it.

I’ll get followers on Twitter whose sole purpose is to get me to follow them back, and then immediately send a “thanks for the follow! Buy my book here!”

Or…

Sometimes I’ll get followers who delete me after I’ve followed them back, so it looks like they have a ton of fans.

Am I internetting wrong?

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Post Haste

Thought I abandoned huge blog already, didn’t you, the zero-number of people who have been reading?

*listens to nerve-shattering silence*

Right. So.

Wanna see some cool stuff?

Go here.

Wanna hear some cool stuff?

Got some right here.

I’ll expound on another post, but in the meantime, enjoy!